I have come to conclusion that there is no blue print to growing old. What I thought is totally different then what it is. But in this case different doesn’t necessarily mean bad. It is just different.
I never thought in a million years that I would find the confidence that I have today. I thought my light would dim as I grew older, but the opposite is what happened. I found my voice, my confidence and let the light shine. My light grows brighter as I get older and if this keeps up I’m going to be a damn lighthouse when I’m 90.
I never thought I would be making a difference on instagram. I started at the beginning of the year with an idea of sharing my sense of fashion with women my age. I wanted them to see that even if society tells us we need to look one way, we have the power to dress and express ourselves the way we want to. It has turned into something that I never imagined. It’s is now a mission to spread the word that everyone has the right to be themselves. Male or female, gay or straight, young or old, we all have the right to be ourselves without being judged for being different.
I never thought I would let me hair go gray. My Dad told me for years before he passed away to stop coloring my hair. I always said no, because I wasn’t there yet. I didn’t have the confidence to show the world who I really was. I found that confidence shortly after my Mom passed away. Maybe it was my way to have her live on longer because once my hair was gray I looked exactly like her. I remember the night before my last hair coloring appointment and I was just thinking to myself “why am I covering up who I am”. I was truly surprised by the reaction I got. My boys were like “yeah do whatever you want”. I had women stop me and tell me how brave I was. Really, really they did this. This made me think..how many men stop each other and tell each other they are brave for going gray. I guarantee you not too many.
**Side note: Please do not think that I judge anyone who colors their hair. This is just part of my personal journey and I needed to stop coloring my hair for myself. Everyone is beautiful exactly how they want the world to see them.**
I never thought I would have more tattoos at 56 than I did at 30. My tattoos are the roadmap to my life. Each tattoo has a special meaning for me. I can tell a story about each tattoo and tell you exactly where I was in life and how I feeling. I have tattoos for loved ones I have lost. I have tattoos to express the love for my boy and I have tattoos to remind myself to not take myself too seriously. I’m proud of my life, I’m proud of my journey and I’m proud of my tattoos. I have found that not many women my age have the amount of tattoos that I have. This is another mission of mine. If you want to express yourself on your skin – do it. There is no age limit to self expression. Who cares how people look at you and long as you look at yourself with love.
I never thought I would be a successful in business. I don’t have a formal education but what I do have is an amazing work ethic passed down to me by my Father. I don’t give up and problems are just speed bumps. They don’t stop me. I thought my purpose in life was to have children and grow old with my husband (boy oh boy this one did not turn out). I have worked hard, I have stood out, I have taken risks and I am not stopping yet.
I never thought I would still be single. I never imagined myself growing old alone. When I say alone, I mean without a partner because I’m never truly alone. I have great kids, friends and an amazingly old fat pit bull named Liberty. But I really thought I would find the “one” who fit with me. I know I’m only 56 but at this point I’m not sure I’m looking anymore. I have such great things in my life I no longer feel in necessary. But who knows, maybe I’ll walk around a corner one day and there he is. I guess this port of the story will have to continued another day because like I said…how knows.
My goal in life now is to live everyone day, every moment to the best I can. I know I’m getting older because things are not where they use to be. I’m talking about my car keys, I’m talking about my ass. No matter how much I work out, it’s still sliding down the back of my legs. My skin is different. My hair is different. My back hurts more in the morning and I use to just think about losing weight and did. Everything is changing but again not necessary a bad thing.
I’m not going to say I’m like a fine wine getting better with age because I don’t drink. But I will say I’m like a really good book that keeps getting better with every page. My life is my book and I’m the one writing the story. I’ve written some flops in my life, but I really like where this one heading now.
So with this said, I will be writing about my adventures that I’m sure will be coming my way. I never thought any of these things would happen so I can only imagine how interesting the next ones will be.
I will continue to grow old with my gray hair and my tattoos.
Until tomorrow…..