I Am

I am a whole lot of things….

I am weird, I am happy, I am optimistic, I am sassy, I am determined, I am older, I am energized, I am a Mom, I am a boss, I am an Auntie and a Lala, I am still sober and I am over 2020. These are just a few of many things that make me, me.

This list changes daily, even minute by minute. I keep myself in check on a constant basis and the trick of doing that for me is knowing what is on the list, figuring out if I like what’s on there and addressing the ones that I don’t like on there.

For example if that list contained “I am sad” I would need to figure out why I am sad, address those feels and get rid of what’s making me sad. If the list contained “I am angry” I would have to figure out what was making me mad, address it and get rid of it The thing is, I don’t shy away from the bad ones, in fact I keep a sharp eye out for those because believe it or not, the bad ones are the most important.

I know it’s easy to say and I know that sometimes I can’t get rid of the bad ones as quickly as I would like. Let’s go back to the “I am angry” one. This one gives me a run for my money because anger use to be my go to emotion. Not only do I have to remove it when it makes the list, I have to block it from getting on there in the first place. I know that the anger will make itself at home. So much so it will build a fire and snuggle in for the long run if I let it. Anger is never allowed on my list of what makes me, me.

I have my list locked down so let’s talk about your list. Your list, no matter what you want on there or don’t want on there is exactly that – Your List. Sit down, clear your mind and figure what items are acceptable or unacceptable. Look at the list and then look inward to yourself. How many of those items that you want on there are on there and how many are missing. How many of those items that you never want on your list have made themselves a long term tenant.

If making this list sounds impossible, you are not alone. This is a skill that you will have to learn over time. But like any skill this will strengthen over time and become easier the more you do it. Here are some tricks to help you get started.

  1. Carry a notebook with you so you can write down your items throughout the day.
  2. Have your phone handy (not for texting) but you can use the note section and Siri to jot down your ideas while driving. Driving is a great time to listen to your inner self
  3. Take a solo walk and have a conversation with yourself. Again you can use your phone for notes.
  4. Try some meditation. This also will take some practice but will become a valuable tool over time.

If you didn’t notice the theme of that list has two major components. Alone time and something to take notes with. Both are very important.

When you are ready, make that list. If it’s not easy for you just keep trying, keep looking inwards and keep taking notes. You will come up with your final list and keep a sharp eye on it.

My being, my best “I am” is my responsibility and I take my job very seriously.

Until next time……….

Published by grayhairandtattoos

Just your normal 56 year old woman figuring out life with gray hair and tattoos.

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